I have always struggled with the title “Good Friday.” As I look with human eyes on the twisted tragedy of that day, nothing seems good. Greed, slander, jealousy, and compromise brought death to the Giver of Life. But on that Friday two beams intersected: the arm of love reaching down connecting heaven and earth while the other, the arm of grace, embraced all humanity. That is very good!
Others can explain the implications of that day far better than I. But I have this confession,
“…One thing I do know,
I was blind but now I see!”
Although my “blindness” wasn’t physical, it was debilitating!
Church going wasn’t a regular feature of my childhood. I did attend enough for me to get the gist of a baby born in a manger and a man on the cross. However, I had no idea how that connected to my life.
It wasn’t until I was 12 years old that I was told the full message of the cross.
All have sinned and are separated from God.
God is holy and just.
Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sin.
God is merciful and gracious.
Jesus’ death on the cross
paid the price for my sin.
By believing and confessing Jesus,
God accepts His blood as payment for my sin.
I still cannot get my head around the profound simplicity of this truth. But at that moment, my heart embraced fully the reality of such a gift of love.
Without support of other Christians and facing opposition, it didn’t take me long to choose the love and acceptance of others over the love of my Saviour. This wave of darkness swept in like tsunami, pulling me ever downward…
depression and suicidal intentions
twisted self-image and no self-esteem
It would take over a decade to surface from the whirlpool of death thoughts and actions. As a young mom, failing in every capacity of life, I left my home and little family with one intention – to end the onslaught of internal pain.
As I walked away that cold February night, God walked with me! No, not in a way I could physically see Him, but with me nonetheless. Though I had denied Jesus, He had not deserted me
not even in the darkest of moments
on psychiatric wards
in seasons of abuse
Though I had been unfaithful, He remained faithful! Though I had tried to run from Him, His love sought me out!
There in the middle of snow bank, I laid down every broken piece of a life twisted and torn. I had nothing good to offer Him – nothing of value to give.
My simple confession, “Lord, I have nothing but broken pieces, but if You want me I’m yours….”
And He did! The Saviour of all wanted relationship with me! Tears still flow freely down aged cheeks as I come face to face with the awesomeness of such love. Who can explain it? Who can comprehend it? Can it be defined or measured? Yet, one thing is for sure; it cannot be denied.
My one request at the moment was, “Lord, teach me to love!”
Through the decades it continues to be my soul desire… to love each day a little more as He loves… with one arm reaching down to the broken pointing them up to Jesus… with the other reaching out to gather “whosoever will” on this journey of faith.
Nothing has been the same since that day! The process has been long – painfully long! Transformation takes time. But truly I am not the woman I used to be. “Once thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!”
It is all because of Good Friday when two beams intersected: the arm of love reaching down connecting heaven and earth while the other, the arm of grace, reaching me. Even me! That is very good!
A Simple Prayer
Lord, I thank You for the cross
for the price You paid
for all of us
The Worthy for the unworthy
the Holy for the defiled
the Just of the unjust.
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