Undeniable differences separate hearing and listening. One involves passively processing sounds; the other includes attention and activation.
During a family gathering, the roll of laughter and friendly bantering circled through the family. A young mother suddenly rose, leaving the gathering to tend to an almost imperceptible whimper among the children. Some of us heard the child’s faint cry; only one person listened and responded.
Depending on where we live, sounds vary, but we are all bombarded by noise — most of which we hear and disregard. Unfortunately, we often become so skilled at tuning out unnecessary sounds that we sometimes fail to respond to those in our homes and workplaces that deserve our attention.
Lately, God has been whispering “listen” to me. I first heard the nudge in my spirit during prayer. Then I heard it included in the prayers of others. During the last few days, when I open my Bible, that word seems to appear again, prompting me to pay attention. Even the author of a book I’m currently reading points out the importance of both hearing and listening.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19
As always, I’m sharing not from my expertise in the matter, but out of a struggle to become better at listening. Technology appears to be substituting texting and email for the more basic communication skills of hearing and listening.
Some differentiate between hearing and listening as:
- “Hearing is the process, function, or power of perceiving sound. Listening is paying attention to a message in order to hear, understand, and physically or verbally respond to it.”
- “The implication of hearing rather than listening is that it might be hard to feel connected to others.”
Connecting with Others
A small child might pull on her mother’s arm or her father’s leg to draw their attention in order to be heard. But the need to be heard doesn’t evaporate with age. When words go unnoticed, people eventually stop talking and we lose relational connection — sometimes permanently.
Because my mind races a mile a minute, I must focus my attention to become a better listener — setting down the book, turning off the device, tuning out the clutter, and looking people in the eyes as they speak. I need to develop and strengthen these skills if I want my relationships to improve. Connection with people is too important to ignore hearing and listening.
Setting a goal to improve and focusing attention forms the first steps to improve communication. Too often, we discount others through critical judgment even before they speak, thinking that what they have to say isn’t important or won’t benefit us. At other times, instead of listening, we are so eager to interject our own thoughts that we’ve lost an opportunity to hear theirs.
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Proverbs 12:15
And …
“”Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”
Proverbs 18:13
But when we see others as valuable, we will pay closer attention and listen to the things that interest and excite them, as well as to their struggles and conflicts. These skills are essential for developing authentic relationships.
Authentic Relationships
No relationship will thrive, let alone survive, without hearing and listening to each other. Listening and asking questions expand our understanding beyond mere words. It helps us to respond in thoughtful ways and gives opportunity to validate and encourage others. Giving premature advice, quoting Bible verses, or sharing personal expertise often quenches a conversation. Listening, however, enhances connection.
The silent contemplation of good listening creates a path for authentic relationships to grow — no quick fixes, no should-have-could-have advice, just genuine listening to and caring for others.
Listening applies not only to human relationships but also between us and God. Perhaps it is impossible to have authentic relationships with others if our relationship with Him is strained or stretched. The most important hearing and listening we can do is to Him — through reading the Bible, other Christians, and biblical counsel.
“My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart.”
Proverbs 4:20-21
Hearing and Listening
The most important hearing and listening applies to our relationship with God. We appreciate His attentive ear and quick response when we call to Him.
“In those days when you pray, I will listen.”
Jeremiah 29:12
The Bible gives so many illustrations of the consequences of failing to practice both hearing and listening. Sometimes, we cannot hear His voice, because we will not listen. Unintentionally, we may have tuned out His counsel or disregarded His instructions. Other times, pride or selfish ambition may have led us to disregard His ways.
Let’s pay Him and others the same respect we desire as we tune our ears to hear and hearts to listen. One dictionary defines listening as “to pay attention to sound; to hear something with thoughtful attention, and to give consideration.” If anyone is worthy of our thoughtful attention and consideration, surely our heavenly Father tops the list.
“Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.”
Deuteronomy 13:4 NLT
