Category: Relationship

Generosity — The Test of Love

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , , ,
Generosity — The Test of Love

We often think of generosity in the context of financial or material giving. Generosity, however, reflects our sincerity and the test of love. To be generous means to show a willingness to give more than is necessary or expected. It also means to live open-handed for the good of others. We discover such selflessness among those with kind and noble spirits. More than anything, however, generosity reflects the very character and love of God.

More than ever before, we have recently experienced the generosity of others. As difficult life challenges came to our lives, family, friends, and our church community have all generously extended themselves for our behalf. Prayer, time, expertise, meals, encouragement, a listening ear, compassion, financial support — their love proved true through pouring into our lives far more than was necessary or expected.

Isn’t that the way? In the place of need, while grieving or struggling to cope with life’s tragedies, God provides open opportunities for generosity.

During biblical times famine presented one of the greatest threats. Paul encouraged believers to step in and help. He used Jesus as the perfect example for giving generously.

” … I want to test the sincerity of your love … For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.“
2 Corinthians 8:8-9

Generosity will cost us something to help another. Who will we put first? Ourselves or others?

Beyond Ourselves

God invites us to look beyond ourselves, beyond our group, beyond our family, beyond our social circle. Luke records one of Jesus’ parables to emphasize the point.

“The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!” The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
 Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. “Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’”
Luke 10:27-35

How we treat others becomes the true test of love. Are we willing to touch the beggars, the diseased, the unclean of our generation? Are we willing to cross cultural boundaries, even to the point of the scorn from peers, to help those in need.

Ashamedly, not always! This man gave so much more than was expected. He lived open-handed with his neighbor.

Jesus closed with these words, “now go and do the same.”

The Challenge

Here sits the challenge. Far too often, we may prefer to maintain a comfortable distance, leaving someone else to do the dirty work of soothing and bandaging wounds. Surely anyone else is more equipped to handle such occurrences, right? Maybe not.

Jesus looks to you and I to enter the difficult and painful circumstances of others, bringing comfort, healing, and His presence. What people need the most is Jesus living in and through us — a shoulder to cry on, a steady arm to strengthen, an encouraging word, or a meal to show we care.

This posture challenges me. I don’t naturally carry the gift of the compassion. But Jesus, doesn’t limit compassion to a few. He invites us all to demonstrate it clearly, practically, and often.

The initial question presented to Jesus pertained to eternal life. Yet, Jesus’ response pointed to compassion and generosity — the true test of love for Him and others.

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16

Love is active. Love costs. So does faith. Faith in God equals faith in action. Eternity and the generous display of love cannot be separated. They are twins with the same Father. Selfless love originates with God. Love prepares us for eternity.

So, the challenge remains — will I (will we) love generously?

Prayer

Lord, I come to You with tears … tears of regret for times I have loved less … when love fell short. Help me! Help us, Lord, to love more. Give us a tender heart to love generously — open-handed, loving far more than is expected or necessary. We need You, Lord. Not to teach us, for You have shown us what love looks like and taught us how to love. We need Your love working in and through us so powerfully and fully that it cannot help but bind up wounds, bring comfort to the desolate, give food to the hungry, offer patience to the intolerant, sit with the lonely, weep with those who mourn, or a multitude of other ways. Lord, You desire us to show Your love to those we come in contact with.
God remove hardness and indifference from our hearts. May we become the Good Samaritans of our generation, giving ourselves in sacrificial ways. May we escape the “me-first culture,” looking into the eyes of those with needs.
Father, we repent of critical judgment or busyness that has held us back from meeting the needs of others. Today, Lord, point us someone to whom we may demonstrate love. May the test of love — our love for You — be proved true, strong, and faithful.
Amen.

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The Wonderful Gift of Friendship

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , ,
The Wonderful Gift of Friendship

The most wonderful gift of friendship, the greatest treasure available, a gift none deserves, but all may receive, we find in Jesus Christ.

For much of my life I was locked insecurity and mistrust. I distinctly remember as a fourteen-year-old being invited on a short hike by girls similar to my age. We had recently met by the beach while I was vacationing with my grandparents. They welcomed me to tag along. I declined the invitation, chosing to be alone for the afternoon. Did I have other plans? Not at all! Was it because I didn’t want to be with them? That wasn’t my reason either. I simply didn’t know how to receive or reciprocate friendship.

That was only one illustration. My life was marked by many more such occasions. I preferred to remain at a “comfortable” distance, maintaining a perimeter for escape. People felt dangerous. Wild animals felt safe. Yikes!

Oh, how much I missed during those years. I am aware that it isn’t the number of friends one accumulates, rather, the depth within those friendships. Although I have grown in this area, introversion remains my pleasant norm.

Caution

God provides us with wisdom when it comes to friendships. His counsel forms guardrails along the highway of life.

  • “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
  • “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
  • “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25)

Guardrails ensure the safe flow of traffic even when hazards present themselves. We have all experienced an unreliable friend of two, haven’t we? The ensnared part gives another image. We don’t always know the reliability of someone until the relationship develops.

John Maxwell, a leadership mentor, says, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future — who you surround yourself with is so important … take the five most influential people in your life and you will become just like them … average people want you to stay average … it takes a lot of courage to step out.” He is right on all accounts.

We spend an incredible amount of time working with people who do not share our values, principles, and mission. Subconsciously, we pick up practices, verbal nuances, and even borrowed appearances. To remain authentic to ourselves and faithful to God takes a lot of courage. Without living courageously we would slip through the guardrails of protection into dangerous territory.

I am no spring chicken, in my so-called golden years, and past my prime (or any other analogies you would like to use). Even those of us with more years behind us than ahead of us must be aware of with whom we choose to closely associate.

True Friends

Fortunately, the Bible also gives more wise advice about the benefits of solid, faithful friends.

  • “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
  • “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).
  • “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
  • “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice” (Proverbs 27:9).

Mutually beneficial friendships help those within the circle grow to become the best version of themselves. These relationships are marked by honor, humility, honesty — seeking the good of the other and sacrificing to see another be promoted and succeed.

Oh, how rare this wonderful gift of friendship has become. When we discover it, may we treat it as the most precious treasure we could find. May we bring out the best in others. May we stand with others when they are going through difficult times, helping them back on their feet. When necessary, may we courageously offer sound counsel and advice, even if it feels risky.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.“
Romans 12:10

Perhaps, we find one of the greatest biblical examples of friendship through the lives of David and Jonathan — two men who should have been adversaries but chose friendship instead. (Read more here.)

I am re-evaluating my closest friendships. Though we are friendly to all, we choose the closest friendships with wisdom.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2

The Greatest Friend

It would be incredible presumptuous to call ourselves a friend of God. But Jesus holds nothing back. Let God transform you means that the Friend we commit to the most is our Lord and Savior. If hanging around with friends influences our life outcome, we certainly want the greatest influence to be given to Him.

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.“
John 15:15

Is this not the most comforting statement, He could grant to any of us? He invites us into a true, eternal friendship. We are not merely His servants to do His bidding; although, we take great pleasure in serving Him. We are His confidants — the ones He shares His secrets with and wants to be with.

We need friends who will always point us to Jesus and His Word, who will lead us to the feet of Jesus, and even challenge us when they see us drift from our faith foundation. We need those who will remind us how wonderful, faithful, and good He is all the time and in every circumstance.

I hope your life is rich with people who share a mutual friendship with Jesus. May we together value His wonderful gift of friendship that He offers to us all.

Think about it! The God of the universe. The One who holds all things in place chose you and me. He said, “These are my friends. I gave everything for them.” He never fails or abandons us. He will never let down His end of the friendship. If ever we feel far from Him, may we remember that we have moved. Not him!.

Oh! As the hymn writer of old sang, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus!” No more hiding in insecurity but rather embracing this wonderful gift of friendship with Jesus and others.

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Leading with Gratitude and Bragitude

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , ,
Leading with Gratitude and Bragitude

The most remarkable and effective leaders of all time exercise two influential attributes — gratitude and bragitude. Now no one appreciates being around anyone who “toots their own horn” bragging over themselves, but bragitude carries a meaning I will soon explain. The online dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful, and a readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Abby Wambach explains bragitude best.

“Abby Wamback, a gold medalist soccer player and FIFA World Cup Champion, speaks about something soccer taught her called “Point and Run.” She explains that every time she scored a goal, the first thing she would do is point to the person who made the assist or the coach who called the play. The team run celebrated another person’s victory. In her words, she says, ‘You will not always be the goal scorer. When you are not, you better be rushing toward her.’ “

Gratitude and bragitude is the ability to appreciate those who promote you and help you to succeed, giving them credit for your successes.

 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

May we never forget that every measure of success we achieve comes from the support of others.

First John

John the Baptist had only one mission and purpose — to prepare people to receive Jesus Christ. His miraculous birth demonstrated God’s divine plan and call on his life. His father’s blessing declared, “And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him“ (Luke 1:76).

When people tried to put John on a pedestal of fame, he refused.

“John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”
John 1:23

He consistently guided people to repentance, turning from their sins toward God. Those who listened and responded to John, also listened and responded to Jesus. Even when John’s own disciples complained that so many people were beginning to follow Jesus, John’s simple response was, “I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit” (Mark 1:8).

The ultimate gratitude and bragitude came as John declared of Jesus,

“He must become greater; I must become less.”
John 3:30

We all need to be grounded and ready to promote others, even when it means our influence will diminish. Gratitude and bragitude give praise to others and glory to God.

Point and Run

The concept of point and run began long before Abby Wambach. After Jesus’ ministry exploded and John was beheaded for his radical message, Jesus pointed back to John as the main reason for His success.

“ Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet whoever is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.“
Matthew 11:11

Think of all the biblical greats Jesus could have included here. What about Abraham, Moses, David, Daniel or any of the many heroes of the faith? No! None!

Jesus may have been scoring every inconceivable spiritual goal, but He turned and pointed to John. “There is no one greater. There has never been anyone greater.”

What a beautiful circle of love and respect — of gratitude and bragitude.

As a matter of fact, Jesus refused to even begin His mission on earth without first being baptized by John.

“ As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.”
Matthew 3:16

All those who rejected John’s ministry could not and would accept Jesus either (Luke 7:30).

Carry It Forward

“Jesus also never pursued human accolades. His life amplified the humility John carried, clearly demonstrating the “point and run” principle to His disciples. When people stood in amazement over Jesus’ miracles, He simply pointed to the Father and ran His race in obedience. His team of disciples closely followed His example.

“Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.”
John 5:19

So, when the disciples continued the ministry, they, too, followed Jesus’ example. They took no credit for the miracles the Holy Spirit performed through them. They grabbed every opportunity to point and run — sharing the victories they experienced because of Jesus’ triumph through His death and resurrection.

And so, it has carried on through the generations. With gratitude and bragitude, we do the same, not claiming anything for our own glory but making sure it all goes to the Lord and those who have helped us along the way. What joy to be grateful for those who have taught, equipped, and opened opportunities for us to succeed — then turning and sharing the triumph together.

Though few of us reading this blog play soccer, we daily have the ability to point and run. May we make it a common practice to lift up those around us through gratitude and bragitude.

*****

Reconciliation of Relationships

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Christian Living, Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , , ,
Reconciliation of Relationships

Reconciliation of relationships presents a difficult, and often lengthy, process — especially for those left fragmented or broken. As with everything else, without maintenance even the best relationship will deteriorate.

At the end of each fiscal year, we spend many hours reconciling accounts to submit accurate information to tax departments. If we have regularly reconciled bank statements and other accounts the process flows smoothly. However, if our approach resembles my father’s, we might find ourselves in for much head scratching and more than a few late nights. A large wooden box held a year’s worth of his receipts and invoices. He had no file folders, organization, or spreadsheets to maintain his financial records.

However, the most difficult reconciliation to accomplish is between people. Too easily, offenses develop, misunderstanding magnify, and bitterness builds.

The most insurmountable difference arose between man and God when disobedience, rebellion, and pride arose. Since that historic division humanity of every generation has unsuccessfully attempted to bridge the gap between holy God and fallen man — a gap so large no effort of effort would suffice.

But God! But God in His great love sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to do what no other human could. He became the sinless sacrifice to pay for every wicked thought and deed that had been, or would be, committed. He paved the way for true and eternal reconciliation with God. The unresolved conflict, Jesus resolved. The unsettled debt man owed to God, Jesus paid. All that Adam and Eve lost in the Garden of Eden, Jesus restored in the Garden of Gethsemane through His blood.

“For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son.”
Romans 5:10

Reconciliation of Relationships

Once reconciled to God, those who confess Jesus now carry the ministry of reconciliation.

“But all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ [making us acceptable to Him] and gave us the ministry of reconciliation [so that by our example we might bring others to Him].”
2 Corinthians 5:18 AMP

Relationship, like people, are complex. Now that we have received such a glorious renewal with our relationship to God, we all carry reconciliation anointing and power within us — becoming instruments of peace, restoring others to Him and individuals to each other.

Relationships, like people, are complex. Some relationships never mend. Other completely broken relationships, God supernaturally restores as both parties give Him their pain-filled “Yes” when He asks. In obedience to Him, we reject selfishness and pride. As we choose to walk in humility and unity, God’s reveals His enabling Presence.

“… God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting people’s sins against them [but canceling them]. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation [that is, restoration to favor with God]. So we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His appeal through us; we [as Christ’s representatives] plead with you on behalf of Christ to be reconciled to God.”
2 Corinthians 5:19-20

Ambassadors

God designated us as Christ’s ambassador — His anointed, called, and prepared representatives to bring others to Him. Is there a joy any greater than introducing others to the Father, so that they too become part of the family of God as His sons and daughters?

Reconciliation with Him allows us to become reconciled with each other. His unmerited peace enables us to walk in unity with others — a unity that requires something on our part.

“Above all, have fervent and unfailing love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins [it overlooks unkindness and unselfishly seeks the best for others].”
1 Peter 4:8

But let’s be honest. People despised even Jesus. Everyone abandoned even Him. Life is tough. Relationships are messy. Hurting people inflict their pain on others. They stuff their wounds in wooden boxes delaying reconciliation of accounts with God and those they hurt.

“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18

We pray that God’s love and grace will flow through our lives stronger than anyone’s hate.

Steps Toward Reconciliation

Financial records can’t reconcile themselves and painful relationships won’t independently heal. God, however, can and will bring healing when we invite Him into our hidden brokenness. He restores relationships, making them healthy and whole, as we align ourselves with Him by:

  • Taking responsibility for our part of the problem, remembering that “all have sinned and continually fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
  • Forgiving! “Pay attention and always be on guard [looking out for one another]! If your brother sins and disregards God’s precepts, solemnly warn him; and if he repents and changes, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). Also, “bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive” (Colossians 3:13)
  • Breaching the gap. “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over (Matthew 18:15-17).” If the first attempt fails, seek the help of others to foster reconciliation.
  • If every effort fails, never compromise your position in Christ for the sake of fake peace. Maintain your integrity (Job 27:5-6).
  • Positioning yourself in the place of peace and prayer. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:6-7.

As we walk faithfully before God, we release the end results to Him. His peace sustains us even in the most unpeaceful circumstances.

Prayer

“Lord, may my love be stronger than anyone’s hate (Luke 6:27). May I re-present you well to everyone — to the abusive and hurting, to the manipulating and controlling, to the wounded and wounding. Give me wisdom to establish healthy boundaries around relationships (Proverbs 22: 24-25) while loving people to life — a life of freedom and deliverance from negative and destructive relational patterns (John 8:36).
God, thank You for bridging the gap. May I be an ambassador for Your Kingdom, partnering with You to bridge the gap for others (2 Corinthians 5:20). I need You, Lord to sovereignly and supernaturally bring reconciliation and peace into relationships that remain fractured and broken. Give grace piled up grace (John 1:16) to speak the words on Your heart, bringing transformation into every situation.
These things are too hard for me. I am like a child — foolish and self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:11). May my heart hurt for the brokenness of those around me. May I desire to see their restoration more than personal comfort. Lord, align me with Your will for every circumstance.
Awaken in me Your love for others (John 13:34). May I see You in the eyes of even my cruelest oppressors and coldest aggressors. Grant me Your peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) when storms blow fierce and darkness invades.
In my weakness, be my strength (Psalm 37:39). Come, Lord, with divine intervention, bringing reconciliation to relationships in every area of my life. I trust You in the uncertainty. Give me the faith to hold tight to what matters most (Hebrews 11:6). At the same time, Lord, grant me grace to release all things to You.
Be glorified, Lord. Be exalted in and through my life, bringing reconciliation, in the mighty Name of Jesus (Psalm 57:5).
Amen.

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The Power of Influence: Be Salt

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , , ,
The Power of Influence: Be Salt

Whoever, or whatever, holds the power of influence over our lives steers our direction and determines our final outcome. Many people believe they set their own course independent of the influence of others. Truthfully, we are all swayed by people, especially those the closest to us. Based on this truth, companies invest over a trillion dollars in advertising annually. Voices, large or small, influence our decisions and choices.

Anita Roddick, British business woman and founder of The Body Shop, agrees, “If you think you are too small, try going to bed with a mosquito.” Cartoonist Scott Adams said, “You don’t have to be a “person of influence” to be influential. In fact, the most influential people … are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.” They all agree with what the Bible declared hundreds of years ago. For better or worse, we are readily influenced.

So, Jesus, challenges us to influence people for good, becoming light to the world around us.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.“
Matthew 5:16

For Better

Some people perhaps enjoy being in the spotlight. I, however, cower when I think of being placed on center stage. Many people see me as an extrovert — comfortable and able to shine in the public forum. The few people who know me best, however, know I would far rather seclude myself in my tiny office, writing or painting, with quiet worship music or the songs of birds and gentle streams ebbing from my computer. Jesus’ command to let my light shine and be seen, however, pushes me beyond personal comfort.

Jesus knows that everyone needs to “see” good deeds practically lived out. Godly examples inspire others to follow their lead. Experiences of embarrassment or shame often cause us to prefer the shadows of obscurity. We shink back when we feel more like an annoying mosquito than a positive influencer.

Timothy must have felt something similar, because Paul gave him this advice.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
1 Timothy 4:12

We all “set an example.” Is the example we set for the better or for the worse?

For the Worse

Paul’s heart broke over the waywardness of the Corinthians believers. He reminded them of their past.

“You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols.”
1 Corinthians 12:2

I could certainly share more than a few instances where I was “led astray” or even lead others off course. We all look to the opinion of others. Sometimes, that is good. Sometimes it is not.

We must measure every voice and influence by the solid Word of God and the life of Jesus. Though we may have good intentions and start out in the right direction, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we may stray somewhere along the journey. We may not consider ourselves to be what Jesus called “salt” right now, but we all have the potential of doing better tomorrow.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.“
Matthew 5:13

Jesus gives us this warning to value all that God has done in us. We must guard it carefully and hold on to the positive power of influence we have upon others.

Poor friendship choices will have a detrimental effect on the direction of our lives and our spiritual progress.

“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
1 Corinthians 15:33

Power of Influence

May we all use our power of influence to encourage others and to build them up in the faith. Let this be our goal.

  • “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).
  • “In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us” (Titus 2:7-8).
  • “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24).
  • “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us” (Philippians 3:17).
  • “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

We make moment-by-moment choices. Will we live like a mosquito in the bedroom, ready to wound those around us? Or will we be like salt that preserves and brings out the best in others?

Honestly, we may all feel more like a mosquito than salt some days. However, by remembering that we all have a power of influence helps us to be conscience of the effect we potentially have on others. I am sure that we all want to bring a little more salt into our homes and communities.

Be Salt

Just as salt preserves and brings out the best flavors in foods, we desire to bring out the best in those within our sphere of influence. Yet, salt must dissipate into the food to be effective. In the same way, even for us introverts, we must close our computers, leave our secluded homes, and go into the world around us. The power of influence is both an opportunity and a responsibility.

For some of us, nothing is more humbling than to know others are watching and imitating us? What a privilege, however, to be a positive influence on another person! God has given us the ability to affect the thoughts, actions, and decisions of more people than we might realize. Our quiet example and consistent character speak louder than words. As we faithfully follow Jesus, even during the most difficult times, it creates a pathway for others to follow.

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.“
James 3:13

May it become obvious that we, too, are walking with Jesus (Acts 4:13). Bless you, dear friends. Let’s go, boldly and spread a little salt! Together, we will make a positive difference in the lives of others. It sure beats being a mosquito!

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Before the Breakthrough: Another Look at the Prodigal Son

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Christian Living, Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , , , , ,
Before the Breakthrough: Another Look at the Prodigal Son

Long before dawn this morning, the Holy Spirit reminded me of Jesus’ parables about the prodigal son who returned to his father’s love. Though dysfunctional, this family would look quite normal in today. In the story, we find a generous and merciful father, a selfish younger son, and his resentful and bitter older brother. There are so many principles we could learn from each one of these individuals.

I would far rather focus on the mercy, grace, and unconditional love of the father, but today, I am in awe of the redemptive process within the run-away son. However, I am personally challenged the most by the Father’s tender plea to harsh and resentful oldest son.

Process isn’t my favorite word. I prefer a “suddenly!” An instantaneous resolve to relationships! Unfortunately, God works through process — quite often a long, difficult process.

“Jesus continued: ‘There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, “Father, give me my share of the estate,” So he divided his property between them.”
Luke 15:11-12

I can almost hear the gasps of the crowd listening to Jesus that day. What adjectives rolled through their minds — egotistical, greedy, narcissistic? Such disrespect and audacity were beyond description and worthy of being cast from society. Insolence like this deserved banishment. People displayed their disgust by throwing broken pieces of pottery at the offender, signifying there would be no turning back.

Doesn’t this young man represent the majority of people, young and old, in our affluent cultures. “I want it all! I want it now!” we rant.

Self-Centered

To be egotistical means to be excessively conceited, or absorbed in oneself, or self-centered. Was there ever a time when people in general were any more selfish and lacking in empathy for others than now?

“Give me my share,” the son demanded. “I’ don’t have to wait until you die. I want every part of my inheritance NOW!” His father quietly obliges, giving his son the full measure of his demands while knowing he lacked the character and maturity to steward it well.

The father in the parable, of course, represents our Heavenly Father. The wayward son represents us all.

Selfishness weaves inseparably through our DNA. Impatience refuses restraint. Yet despite our arrogance and knowing the outcome of our selfishness, the Father allows us personal choice. We will inevitably reap the consequences of our foolish actions. The Bible warns, “God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap” (Galatians 6:7).

Far too many people share the pain of the loving Father. They have watched their son or daughter, spouse or friend, chose the path to nowhere. Perhaps you do too.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.”
Luke 15:13

The prodigal wasted no time. He mockingly took everything his father had to offer. The desire for immediate gratification led the prodigal son away from his father’s presence and into a life of recklessness. Separation often results in spiritual and moral decline. By cashing in his inheritance, the son treated his father as good as dead. His leaving was the final act of rejection. He ran hard. He ran far and fast.

Slippery Slope

Rebellion always leads to destruction. A quick sequence of bad choices leaves the son destitute. He denied himself nothing — wild living, parties, and prostitutes. With the money gone and no means to run any further, he sat alone and hungry among pigs.

“He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.”
Luke 15:16

Our Heavenly Father sees the outcome even before the beginning of our fall. He longs to spare us the painful consequences of sin. Yet, His unconditional love restrains Him. Why do we so often need to hit bottom before we turn back to Him? How low the bottom drops as we run further and further from the One able to rescue and save? How agonizing for every parent, spouse, child, and friend to watch the rapid descent down the slippery slope of shame, regret, and even death.

Everyone but the prodigal son clearly sees the path ahead. Many try to warn the wayward one — too self-absorbed to take heed or take instruction.

The Road Home

Remember those broken shards of pottery strewn along the road? The prodigal son must now follow the same shattered road home to his Father. Even though the Father waits, the return will not be smooth.

In repentance, the son appears to remain self-serving. He had hit the brick wall of his selfish actions. The party had long ago ended. Friends found others to feed their sensual appetites. One option remained. Return to the Father.

Yet, we find true marks of true repentance in the prodigal son.

“I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.” So he got up and went to his father.”
Luke 15:18-20

“I have sinned!” The confession of anyone truly repentant. “I am unworthy of sonship.” A truth for us all — unworthy beggars, ever dependent on the grace of our Heavenly Father. And of course, the Father did then what He does now. He is overjoyed with the return of the one — the lost one come home, the wayward one returning to his senses, the defiant one humbled by life’s tough knocks.

Trust Broken

Although the father welcomed His prodigal son home, the older brother found it impossible to forgive. The insolent attitude of his kid brother had struck like pieces of firey shrapnel, wounding his heart and forever tainting his perceptions. He had lived through the months, or perhaps years, of his father’s anguish. The sins of his brother had torn through the family like a jagged knife, leaving scars deep and wide.

There is no such thing as isolated sin. No sinner hurts only themselves.

The injustice and anger within the older brother had plenty of time to fester and turn from bitterness and hatred. He bore the weight of offense on behalf of his father. Now that the son returned, it wasn’t easy to lay it down.

I wish I couldn’t relate, but I do! Blatant injustice pierces all sense of righteousness and order. The indiscriminate tramping on the poor and innocent batters against our core values. I know what it feels like to have anger turn to hatred, and then for God to confront my deeply buried sin. Too often, I have seen too many people squander God’s love and mercy only to run again after the shallow solace of fleeting pleasures. The lack of empathy for those they wound in their selfish pursuit becomes irreconcilable. It is hard — extremely hard — to fully receive and forgive the one who comes “home.” Hard, yes. Impossible? No.

May I, and we, listen to the Father’s gentle plea to share His joy.

“My son,” the father said, “you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again’ he was lost and is found.”
Luke 15:31-32

Still Waiting

Today, many people stand with the Father waiting for a prodigal to come to their senses and return. They watch for the slightest glimpse of the one they love. They have wept many tears and prayed long hours for the turn around and the breakthrough. The days have been long. The nights longer.

First, must come repentance — a recognition and acknowledgement of sinful and selfish actions. Then comes a humbling and seeking forgiveness. Finally, the perceverance through months and years to restore broken trust. Sometimes, it comes. Often, it doesn’t.

The unquenchable love the Father shown to everyone in the family stands out the most to me. He is ever-patient and exceedinly gracious. He honors each person’s journey to resolve broken relationships. No quick fixes or easy answers to tough questions and difficult circumstances. No suddenlies. The only hope, for them and for us, is to return to unbroken fellowship with our Father, repenting of our own sinful heart condition and trusting Him through every step of the healing process. Never pushing. Never rushing. Standing upon the truth of His Word, aligning ourselves with Him, and receiving His love and forgiveness will take us there. Gradually healing will come as we submit to His will and surrender the ultimate outcome completely to Him.

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Keys to Keep Our Peace

MaryAnn Ward 1 Comment Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , , ,
Keys to Keep Our Peace

When the increasingly self-centered nature of humanity continues to call us to war and division, we need strategies to keep our peace — internally and, if possible, externally. Jesus promises a special blessing for those intentional about bringing peace into difficult situations.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9

The Message Translation offers a more practical application to this verse. It reads, “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.” Competing and fighting with each other has no place in God’s family of believers. Are there things worth fighting for? Absolutely! Do we need to stand our ground on important issues of faith and truth? Beyond a doubt!

Unfortunately, we often major in the minors and minor in the major things of life and faith.

Our condo elected a new board recently. It has only been a month under their leadership. Some things are going well, while they will be working on other areas for quite some time. This week someone became completely irate because there were remnants of a broken potato chip under a table in the common area. Their pointed anger intended to disturb the peace of the community. If the biggest issue with the new board is a broken potato chip, I take that as a compliment to them all.

It becomes all too easy to allow such minor incidents to ruffle us and throw us into a whirl of discord. Or will we stop, pray, and let minor nuances deflect and hopefully fade quietly away?

Peace

Biblically, the word for “peace” comes from the Hebrew word “shalom”, meaning “completeness, soundness, harmony, and well-being.” It also signifies a complete return to balance, justice, and equality. Biblical peace encompasses every aspect of life — spiritual, material, personal, and social. Godly peace cannot be disconnected from His righteousness.

What is impossible in our human capacity to attain, God provided through Jesus Christ. The prophet Isaiah foretold His coming.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6

Going back to the original Hebrew for “Prince of Peace”, we find another discovery. When one Jew greeted another with the word “Shalom,” it meant, “May all that you need for your well-being today come to you this day.”  That’s shalom. This child, Jesus Christ, is the One in charge of all shalom. Jesus desires to become our “well-being authority.” The only way to experience shalom is when we come to Jesus, for He is the One divinely ordained to bestow it.

But, let’s be honest, light and darkness clash. Love and hate never blend. It isn’t unusual to see “feathers ruffled” — our own and those of others. Through Jesus Christ, we find a better way, obtained and maintained in a posture of peace. This posture comes to all those who travel in the footsteps of the Prince of Peace.

Conflict

Two verses come to mind as I contemplate the world’s increasing hatred toward Christians. Early believers experienced the same in their day. Paul encouraged young Christians amid severe persecution under Roman rule with these words,

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18

Peace, though desired, is NOT always possible. Nonetheless, WE CAN influence the spiritual climate around us, creating peace, both inwardly and outwardly.

The preceding and following verses warn us to guard against “repaying evil for evil” or “taking revenge” — the natural reflexes of our human nature. With two warnings, he also gives us two chosen options for handling difficult people and situations: “be careful to do what is right” and “leave room for God.”

In simpler terms, he calls us to avoid competing and fighting with words or actions. Jesus came as the Prince of Peace — not as a Conqueror, but in humility. He came as a lowly baby in a manger. He took the lowest road to reach the highest goal. Though difficult, we would do well to follow His example.

The second verse, I am reminded of comes from James.

“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”
James 3:17

Peace-Loving

As peacemakers, godly wisdom will infiltrate the culture around us. Though many would push for peace at any cost, James places peace-loving securely after purity. Without virtue and holiness, only false peace results. Such a counterfeit gives an illusion of unity and harmony while maintaining the undercurrents of pride, hatred, and discord.

All the qualities characterizing wisdom shine through the scope of true peace — being considerate. submissive, merciful, impartial and sincere. These attributes stand in agreement with the Message’s translation of Matthew 5:9 “to cooperate instead of competing or fighting.”

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27

Not only is Jesus the Prince of Peace, He is the lavish and gracious Giver of all true peace.

Many times, I have contended for peace — especially after a doctor’s grave report, the death of a loved one, broken family relations, financial collapse …

Peace is already ours! Jesus gave it to us. Now, we reach out to receive and fight to defend it. Satan is like a big bully trying to snatch away every good and perfect gift God gives.

We need to know the Scripture,
believe the Scripture, and
stand on the Scripture.

Steps to Keep our Peace

Here are a few practical steps I have found helpful:

  • Seek God’s wisdom and direction in every matter (Psalm 32:8).
  • When possible, ignore the small stuff. We don’t always know the internal turmoil others are dealing with. Where there is consistent threats and attacks, establish godly boundaries of protection over your peace (1 Timothy 4:12).
  • Pray for the peace of God to infiltrate the lives of those around you (Philippians 4:6-7).
  • Always choose to forgive both big and small offenses. Unforgiveness allows the enemy access to our hearts and minds which we have already and completely committed and dedicated to Christ (Colossians 3:13).
  • As a child of God, hold fast to the peace of God. Stand firm in all that is righteous and just. Your spiritual, physical, mental, and relational well-being depends on it (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).
  • Trust God with the outcome. Not every situation will be resolved peacefully, but nothing can steal your peace (Psalm 9:10).

As we consistently choose God’s path, His promise of supernatural peace becomes our portion.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:7

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Empathy — The Bridge of Authentic Relationship

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Christian Living, Relationship , , , , , , , , ,
Empathy — The Bridge of Authentic Relationship

Empathy remains a rare commodity today, sharply contrasting prevalent attitudes in culture — at least in North American.

During prayer this morning, I felt the nudging of Holy Spirit to reconsider the topic of empathy; something I fail to consistently live out. I sensed that God wanted my full attention in this regard.

One dictionary defines empathy as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” Empathy enables us to understand and share the feelings of others. Those, who with open hearts personally connect to others, display this vital attitude.

Empathy forms the heart bridge to all truly authentic relationships, uniting us in sincere love. Although we all desire others to show empathy toward us, returning the favor is sometimes lacking.

Jesus Our Prime Example

“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.”
Romans 12:15

What joy to celebrate with those who succeed and triumph! How difficult to resist the urge to stay at arm’s length from the messier sides of life. Too often, we may choose the easy way, extending thoughts and prayers from a distance. Jesus, however, established a better plan of action for us.

When His good friend Lazarus died, Jesus met Lazarus’ sisters, Martha and Mary, with complete empathy. Even before the meeting, Jesus had already planned to raise Lazarus from the dead. Even so, He wept with these precious women, mourning with them.

“Jesus wept.”
John 11:35

How appropriate that we find the shortest verse in the Bible in this place where words fail miserably. Few words reach the depth of a mourning heart in the same way as understanding and compassion. Strength comes in the presence of others — others who genuinely seek to be sensitive to what others are experiencing. Even though Jesus knew sorrow would soon be turned to joy, He wept with the weeping. He shared their pain of grief and loss.

Jesus Knows our Weakness

“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin.”
Hebrews 4:15 AMP

What comfort! Jesus our Advocate and Intercessor knows. He understands. He empathizes with our weaknesses. Because God came in human form, He meets us in joy and sorrow. It doesn’t matter if we think we have our lives in order or feel like we are coming apart at the seams. He doesn’t come as an authoritarian, but as One with compassion and understanding.

I love the words, “in every respect.” Too often we feel isolated from others, alone in our struggles, and misunderstood. In every respect, whatever we face, Jesus empathizes with us. Only Jesus offers perfect empathy. In so doing, He forms the perfect bridge of authentic relationship with us.

MaryAnn Ward - Blog - Find Joy

One Mind

Perhaps, we have grappled with empathy at times. Those who have the gift of compassion display it most readily. Others of us, who desire to live in authentic community learn to mature in this godly characteristic.

“Finally, all of you be like-minded [united in spirit], sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted [courteous and compassionate toward each other as members of one household], and humble in spirit.”
1 Peter 3:8 AMP

To become like-minded and united in spirit with others, we first must become like-minded and united with Christ. One of the easiest ways to mature in this beautiful attribute is to hang around others who freely empathize. Fortunately, God places in each of our lives kindhearted, courteous, and compassionate examples of Jesus.

Empathetic people consistently model the heart and mind of Christ in these and other ways:

  • Ephesians 4:2, “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”
  • Proverbs 31:8, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed.”
  • James 1:27, “…caring for orphans and widows in their distress…”
  • Hebrews 13:3, “Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.”

Prayer

Lord, bring us each to maturity as we unite with Your heart of compassion and empathy for others as they grieve, struggle financially, are mistreated, or ignored. May we not turn blind eyes or deaf ears to their cries for help — whether silent or spoken. Father, may we seek to understand the plight of others, taking the time to listen. May we be willing to pay the price of messy relationships to draw others to Your tender heart of love.
Lord Jesus, forgive us for willingly distancing ourselves from the pain of others. Forgive us for avoiding the vulnerability we feel in these difficult situations. Lord, even more, may we share their pain, feeling it within us.
Give us a fresh understanding and a brave heart to become the bridge that would unite us in authentic relationships. May we be of one heart and mind with You — “[united in spirit], sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted [courteous and compassionate toward each other as members of one household], and humble in spirit.” Tranform us into brave warriors defending the defenseless.
Oh, Sovereign Lord, we desire a radical shift from self-centeredness to becoming other-focused. Come Holy Spirit! Bring transformational change within us so that we might also bring Your love to others in tangible ways.
Amen.

The Difference Between Hearing and Listening

MaryAnn Ward 0 Comment Christian Living, Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , ,
pixabay.com/photos/sculpture-bronze-the-listening-2275202/

Undeniable differences separate hearing and listening. One involves passively processing sounds; the other includes attention and activation.

During a family gathering, the roll of laughter and friendly bantering circled through the family. A young mother suddenly rose, leaving the gathering to tend to an almost imperceptible whimper among the children. Some of us heard the child’s faint cry; only one person listened and responded.

Depending on where we live, sounds vary, but we are all bombarded by noise — most of which we hear and disregard. Unfortunately, we often become so skilled at tuning out unnecessary sounds that we sometimes fail to respond to those in our homes and workplaces that deserve our attention.

Lately, God has been whispering “listen” to me. I first heard the nudge in my spirit during prayer. Then I heard it included in the prayers of others. During the last few days, when I open my Bible, that word seems to appear again, prompting me to pay attention. Even the author of a book I’m currently reading points out the importance of both hearing and listening.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19

As always, I’m sharing not from my expertise in the matter, but out of a struggle to become better at listening. Technology appears to be substituting texting and email for the more basic communication skills of hearing and listening.

Some differentiate between hearing and listening as:

  • “Hearing is the process, function, or power of perceiving sound. Listening is paying attention to a message in order to hear, understand, and physically or verbally respond to it.”
  • “The implication of hearing rather than listening is that it might be hard to feel connected to others.”

Connecting with Others

A small child might pull on her mother’s arm or her father’s leg to draw their attention in order to be heard. But the need to be heard doesn’t evaporate with age. When words go unnoticed, people eventually stop talking and we lose relational connection — sometimes permanently.

Because my mind races a mile a minute, I must focus my attention to become a better listener — setting down the book, turning off the device, tuning out the clutter, and looking people in the eyes as they speak. I need to develop and strengthen these skills if I want my relationships to improve. Connection with people is too important to ignore hearing and listening.

Setting a goal to improve and focusing attention forms the first steps to improve communication. Too often, we discount others through critical judgment even before they speak, thinking that what they have to say isn’t important or won’t benefit us. At other times, instead of listening, we are so eager to interject our own thoughts that we’ve lost an opportunity to hear theirs.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Proverbs 12:15

And …

“”Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”
Proverbs 18:13

But when we see others as valuable, we will pay closer attention and listen to the things that interest and excite them, as well as to their struggles and conflicts. These skills are essential for developing authentic relationships.

Authentic Relationships

No relationship will thrive, let alone survive, without hearing and listening to each other. Listening and asking questions expand our understanding beyond mere words. It helps us to respond in thoughtful ways and gives opportunity to validate and encourage others. Giving premature advice, quoting Bible verses, or sharing personal expertise often quenches a conversation. Listening, however, enhances connection.

The silent contemplation of good listening creates a path for authentic relationships to grow — no quick fixes, no should-have-could-have advice, just genuine listening to and caring for others.

Listening applies not only to human relationships but also between us and God. Perhaps it is impossible to have authentic relationships with others if our relationship with Him is strained or stretched. The most important hearing and listening we can do is to Him — through reading the Bible, other Christians, and biblical counsel.

“My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart.”
Proverbs 4:20-21

Hearing and Listening

The most important hearing and listening applies to our relationship with God. We appreciate His attentive ear and quick response when we call to Him.

“In those days when you pray, I will listen.”
Jeremiah 29:12

The Bible gives so many illustrations of the consequences of failing to practice both hearing and listening. Sometimes, we cannot hear His voice, because we will not listen. Unintentionally, we may have tuned out His counsel or disregarded His instructions. Other times, pride or selfish ambition may have led us to disregard His ways.

Let’s pay Him and others the same respect we desire as we tune our ears to hear and hearts to listen. One dictionary defines listening as “to pay attention to sound; to hear something with thoughtful attention, and to give consideration.” If anyone is worthy of our thoughtful attention and consideration, surely our heavenly Father tops the list.

“Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.”
Deuteronomy 13:4 NLT

Prayer

Father, I am sorry for not listening well to You and to others. Help me, Lord, to not just hear words, but to truly listen and respond to those speaking to me. Replace my judgment with Your compassion and my selfishness with Your love. May I see in others someone You truly value and deeply cherish. May I listen in ways that validate and affirm them.

Forgive me for not responding to Your voice whether it is through Your Word or through the counsel of others. Open my ears to hear beyond words and perceive the thoughts of hearts. May I respond to everyone with compassionate care and loving grace. Thank You for patiently reminding me to listen with my heart to You and others. May I become increasingly responsive to Your voice as You speak through various ways.

I recognize that attentive listening is a valid form of loving those around me. Continue, Lord, to teach me Your ways so that all my relationships will strengthen and improve.
Amen.

The Importance of Apologies — Respect, Caring & Trust

MaryAnn Ward 1 Comment Inspirational Blog, Relationship , , , , , , , ,
The Importance of Apologies — Respect, Caring & Trust

More than ever before we see the importance of apologies to restore respect, caring, and trust where deep divisions once dominated. We hope such expressions are rooted with pure motives and the sincere desire to reconcile relationships. But has the presence of so many public expressions caused us to somehow become complacent toward the necessity of apologies?

In a dream, I saw a small machine shed. A small tractor that once fit neatly inside the shed now had to be disassembled into three parts in order to fit. The farmer thought it normal to reassemble the tractor before each use. The shed had been made to fit the tractor, but now the shed had become the storage space for various sized pieces of junk metal. One by one, the farmer had thrown each small piece on a pile in the shed, hiding them from public view, until the shed was rendered useless. He had considered each small piece insignificant and developed a habit of ignoring how huge the pile had grown, adjusting his life to accommodate the ever-expanding pile of scrap metal.

The Holy Spirit seemed to whisper to me, “Each small piece is an offense. Apologies remove offenses and keep the floor of your heart clean.”

When I awoke, I thought of the times when sincere apologies restored key relationships. Each apology brought deeper respect, caring, and trust, allowing the relationship to grow stronger than before. The Bible offers a clear guide on how to apologize and respond to apologies.

Repent

Repentance refers to the action of simultaneously turning toward God (or someone else) and away from hurtful actions and words to restore relationship.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
James 5:16

James highlights the importance of taking personal responsibility for our wrongs, humbling ourselves, and confessing our failures. In one word, we call this an apology. After the apology comes healing — personally and relationally.

When we repent, we demonstrate regret for failing to value others (whether intentionally or unintentionally). Taking personal responsibility moves the relationship toward reconciliation and trust.

Acknowledge

An effective apology not only owns personal responsibility but also

  • shows a clear understanding of the hurtful, rude, or wrong behavior done through previous actions or words,
  • validates the depth of embarrassment or pain caused,
  • includes a statement of regret, such as “I am sorry,” and
  • contains a plan of action to change the behavior.

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.”
Proverbs 28:13

As in my dream, hiding offenses never helps. Although we may try to function around the “inconveniences” we have caused, we will never prosper in our relationships when issues remain unresolved. But as we confess to each other and purposefully turn from our selfish and insensitive ways, we will be shown mercy and kindness. Honesty opens the door to deeper respect, caring, and trust.

Not every apology follows a carbon copy procedure. A wise pastor once told me that a public offense requires a public apology, while a private offense merits a private apology. May God give us wisdom for each situation.

Respond

Many factors may limit a person’s ability to offer a clear apology. Perhaps, they view the relationship as too divided or unworthy of making amends. The offender may be in a position of power and feel like an apology will undermine his/her position of authority. The offender may view an apology as a sign of weakness, rather than the strength it really demonstrates. None of these excuses warrant the serious consequences of leaving wounds unresolved.

However, when we value our relationships as significant, we will seek the path of reconciliation and forgiveness. The importance of apologies cannot be overstated.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Matthew 6:14-15

How we receive an apology is as important as the apology presented. Matthew shares this instruction from Jesus to forgive those who have offended us. Forgiveness is the first step to restoring relationships. The second way to respond would be to show appreciation for the apology, while asking for more time to heal from the offense. The third appropriate way to respond is to seek forgiveness for any offense on our part.

The main reason for and importance of apologies is to move relationships closer together. How we respond to the apology will effect that movement as much as the apology itself.

Don’t Wait

In my dream, the famer waited and waited and waited to seek forgiveness. Soon the pile of offenses had built so high he became oblivious to the negative impact it had on his life. Every delayed apology forfeits the opportunity for restoration and reconciliation.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
Matthew 5:23-24

Only when we make things right with each other will our relationship with God be in right standing. Let’s keep short accounts by quickly seeking forgiveness and showing honor to each other. Apologies demonstrate the highest level of humility, while proving respect, caring, and trust.

Oh, may we not forget the importance of apologies. A genuine apology expresses value to others and a sincere appreciation to God for how much He has forgiven us.

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If you find seeking and offering forgiveness difficult, perhaps these additional blogs may offer helpful tools and insight

5 Steps — Wisdom to Handle Insults and Accusations 

Mistakes Eat at Us: Dealing with our Faults and Flaws